Around the country, schools are closing their doors in an effort to stop the spread of COVID-19. But when schools close their doors off schedule, the usual solutions aren’t an option. There are no camps, no grandparents or sitters who can step in on the fly–many are trying to answer the same question for themselves: “What will I do with my children for 3 weeks?!?”
Well, if it’s one thing we know after over 20 years of teaching, people who have a plan are the people who survive. For the last two summers, as Dave transitioned from being a badass full-time teacher to being a badass stay-at-home dad who runs his own Daddy Summer Camp for our kids, he’s learned a thing or two about keeping kids engaged (and parents sane) when school’s out.
Here’s what you can do to make sure you and your kids survive the next 3 weeks:
Establish a routine.
Schedule some variety within that routine.
Make planning a part of your night-time routine.
Stick with it.
Don’t be afraid to call in reinforcements.
See this as a time to connect with your kids and yourself.
Establish a routine.
Kids (and adults for that matter) appreciate predictability. The more predictable your schedule is, the easier it is for kids to adhere to it. During the summer Dave starts every day with a morning meeting–this is similar to a stand up meeting, a practice that’s common in the corporate space. He sits down with the kids and walks through the day’s schedule. He talks through what activities they are going to do as a family, when in the schedule he’s going to need some quiet work time (and what they can be doing during that time), and he ends by asking what questions they have about the day. Once they are all clear, they move on to the first thing on the agenda.
If you stick to this practice every day, your kids will begin to expect it. Our kids eventually started asking, “What’s the plan?” at the top of the day instead of the dreaded, “What are we going to do now?” a gazillion times throughout the day. Eventually, Dave got a dry-erase board to put on the refrigerator where he’d write the plan, so the kids no longer needed to ask. They could just read the board.
The added benefit to this was that it also helped our kids be better planners themselves. It’s not uncommon for our kids to make a list of things they want to do on any particular day.
And please, please keep your bedtime routine/time. Just because school is out doesn’t mean your children need less sleep. Sleep coincides with sanity. Keep it stable.
Schedule variety within the routine.
Just like kids love centers in school because they get to move around and do different things, they need that same variety at home. When Dave creates a schedule for the day, he makes sure each day has something in each of the following categories: exercise, low-lift activity, higher-lift activity, something for the brain, and down time.
While it may seem like a lot, it’s exactly what kids need, which will ultimately make it possible for you to get what you need.
When trying to decide what kinds of activities to include, it’s easy to see this as one more thing to do. I can hear it now, “Oh, my gosh. What activity can I do to keep the kids busy today?” Here’s how you avoid that panic: ask your kids first. At the beginning of the break, before any schedule was ever made, Dave sat down with the kids and asked, “What are some things you enjoy doing?” The kids said things like “going to the park,” “going bowling,” “going to the gym,” “having iPad time,” “watching a movie,” “going to Chick-Fil-A,” and a host of other things.* Dave wrote each of those things on a post-it note and put them on the wall. For the things that required a lot of effort, he put those on a pink post-it. The things that required little effort, he put them on a yellow one.
Then when it was time to make the schedule, he chose one pink and one yellow post-it activity to include in the day’s schedule. If the kids had new ideas of things they wanted to do, they could add them to the post-it wall. Done and done.
So the only three things that were left were exercise, something for the brain and down time.
For exercise, kids could choose from a few things: a Shaun T video (we have all of them), running up and down the hall, a bike ride or some other physical activity. This is a must. Our kids go absolutely bonkers without their exercise, and when they have it, they are way less likely to be short with each other. They just don’t have the energy.
So then that leaves something for the brain. As much as we want to make sure our kids don’t lose their math skills or science skills while they are out of school, the reality is, most of us will be trying to manage working remotely, keeping up with the news, and trying to keep our children alive. You can’t be that and a teacher. Teaching is a whole profession. But what you can do is carve out and protect time for your child to read. Make this sacred. So if you don’t have books at home, one of the things you’ll want to do is head to your local library or Half Priced Books and have your child choose 2-3 just right books (books they can read without your support that are of interest to them). Kindles are great for this too, especially since we don’t know what the future holds and how accessible libraries and bookstores will be. And if you absolutely must do something more than read, there are some great math apps out there. Go to the app store, search “math apps for {insert your child’s age}” and see what comes up.
Down time is down time. iPad, playing in their room, etc. Whatever they like. Adults unwind with a glass of wine, scroll social media mindlessly, talk on the phone with friends, or whatever. Kids need that time too. Don’t begrudge them that or worse, don’t teach them that every minute of every day has to be busy. There are tons of adults walking the earth now trying to unlearn the habit of busy that’s led to burnout. Don’t do that to your kids. Teach them to find what refuels them and give them space to do it.
Here’s a growing list of educational websites that are free subscriptions due to school closures. It’s long and can be overwhelming. Feel free to skip it and stick to reading plus a math/science app.
*Note: At the time I wrote this, some places like the gym, restaurants, etc. are still open. In preparation for closure of those places consider making a Target fun run one part of your preparation. You can grab board games, fun outdoor games, and picnic games like corn hole that you can play in your backyard. Be sure to get some fun snacks too–getting things to make s’mores, popsicles, baked goods, cotton candy, etc. make for fun at-home experiences that can seem like a treat for your kiddos.
Make planning a part of your night-time routine.
Remember when I said “people who have a plan are the people who survive”? If you wait until the morning to map out the day, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Whenever school is out, children’s built in alarm clocks mysteriously default to the “wake up before mom/dad” setting. That means they’ll be looking in your face when you open your eyes. If you don’t have a plan, you’ll feel nothing but pressure and stress. Game over.
So every night, Dave sits at his computer and maps out the next day, choosing one thing for each category and putting it in the order that works for him. If he has a call scheduled for noon, he puts the downtime activity in that window. If he needs quiet work time in the morning to get things off of his task list, so he can focus the rest of the day, he may make that the Shaun T time. If he didn’t do this, he’d be stressed about how he was going to get done what he needed to get done while manning the kids. This way, he can say to them, “during this time, Daddy needs to get some stuff done, so while you are exercising, I’m going to be at my desk working. I’ll need you to give me this time.”
What might be even better if possible is to try and schedule your “work time” at the same time every day. This will make keeping the routine easier for you and the little ones.
Stick with it.
All of this is new for you. When was the last time you were fully responsible for your kids and your job and possibly all within the confines of your home? If you live in Houston, hurricane season makes this a bit more familiar, but if your area isn’t prone to natural disasters, this can feel like just too much. Give yourself and your kids some grace. This is new for them just like it’s new for you. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to keep trying. Everyday. Make the schedule every day. Have the morning meeting every day. It’ll get easier and easier the more you stick with it.
Don’t be afraid to call in “virtual” reinforcements.
Need a whole break? Take one. The internet has given us the gift of FaceTime and Zoom. How does that help parents take a break? I’ve been known to FaceTime one of my sisters to ask them to “babysit” while I do a particular task that requires my undivided focus or while I just take a minute for myself–you know to do things like take an uninterrupted shower.
Over the next however many long weeks, you’ll want and need to take time for yourself, so don’t be afraid to think outside of the box for ways for your kids to connect with others without putting them or other family members at risk for spread.
See this as a time to reconnect with your kids and yourself.
I’ll admit, I’m super, super busy–all. the. time. I am guilty of working a ton, that’s half the reason why this piece is centered around Dave, because I’m an obsessive worker. And as I think more about this situation, I can’t help but think how unfortunate it is that it’s taking something like this to force us to slow down and be together. There are no big galas to attend, no demands on our calendar, no hurrying from this thing to that thing. In some ways, this time is a gift. It’s an opportunity to spend more quality time with people we love or need to remember to love (including ourselves). If we look at this as an opportunity to refuel and reset, we might actually come out of this thing better than the way we went in. Sure, economically, this could be disastrous, but personally and in the areas that matter most, we could come out on top–if we decide to look at things that way. Everything is a choice, including this.
Aisha and Dave each have over 20 years of experience in education. In addition to Aisha’s work helping parents find and apply to the best schools for their children, the two of them have a podcast where they share tips on parenting, marriage and everything in between. You can check out Kitchen Conversations with The Crumbs here»
